Social Phobia Blog- Living with Social Anxiety

Went Back to School, Going Back to School with Social Anxiety

2011-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in a long time but I think I am going to start. I recently went back to college nearly 9 years after I took my last in-person class. I have been trying to go back this entire time, which has consisted of many online classes and withdrawing from many classes.

In 1 week I will have completed my 2nd full-time semester since going back. I attend a very large university, perhaps the largest in the U.S., and I take all my classes in person. I should have 1 more year left. I still have a lot of problems, but I'm not going to get into all of those right now.

I will post more later on school, my challenges and triumphs.

Socialphobialife.com - What is the deal with this site?

2008-12-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

I was looking at some social phobia/anxiety forums and came across this site socialphobialife.com ( no, It is not my site). I thought I might want to join, so I tried. Three times. Never got any confirmation emails. I used different emails at different domains to see if that was the issue. Anyway it doesn't appear I could register at socialphobialife.com.

I also noticed something. There were not many posts from real members and the few real members were complaining about the board being spammed. Why did I notice this? Well, I noticed something else interesting connected to this social phobia life site.

I won't get into that right now, at least not publicly.

But if anyone knows what the deal is with this socialphobialife.com forum let me know. I thought I would give it a chance, but there are some well-established forums already out there without the questions.

When even Dealing with others with Social Phobia Causes Anxiety

2008-07-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. This blog was never meant to be anything more than a personal space to talk about my personal experiences of nearly 30 years dealing with social phobia aka social anxiety disorder. I am not a medical professional or a therapist- just someone who has lived this $#%^ ( stuff).

Over the past year several readers have contacted me through my personal website to discuss social anxiety. If you have it or know anything about social anxiety you know how difficult it is to deal with others.

I have found it is no easier dealing with others with S.A. The other night I found myself depressed because at one time I was having email conversations with 5 people. However all of those people simply stopped responding or haven't responded in months.

All of these people found me on my website and sought out the conversation with me. We discussed very personal things.

So what did I say or do to run-off several people, even those who also have social anxiety?

New Social Phobia Site

2007-02-05T15:17:00.000-08:00

I am going to be working on a new social phobia site, socailphobia.com-Social Phobia

Hoping to Post More

2007-01-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't posted a lot lately either on the blog or main site. A lot of personal issues since I last posted that I'd rather not get into. Still doing the old "I have social phobia so I hope to make a living online" type thing. I hope as I feel more secure in my efforts, I will devote more time to blogging. At this point I am doing a lot of work on things that should actually be profitable. Something I don't see happening with Social Anxiety blogging ( not much of a market for it).

Hopefully I can work more on my personal sites, but my motivation for this stuff is low and energy comes in highly concentrated bursts.

Having a Hard Time Concentrating

2006-10-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like my social anxiety is that bad these days..Well, I don't know because I don't really go out. I am more in a depressed funk. It is hard getting anything done, and my sleep schedule is all out of whack. I look at a book and have a hard time concentrating.

I am still taking classes and thought I was all motivated to go back and "finish school." These days I just want to work on web sites and hope something sticks so that I will never have to get a "job." I don't know if there is a point to finishing if that's the case.

I am really glad that I started working on websites 5-6 years ago though, and more seriously the last two years. Because of that, I do have some residual income. The problem I have is building on those successes. I've considered trying to diversify the way I get my web traffic, though. Instead of just relying on search engines, I've tried cheap promotional products, like pens and magnets with my websites on them, working some social medai, and I also bought some local classified ads to test them out.

I tried doing one of those Money Mailer coupon things for one of my seasonal products, but the sales person was impossible to deal with. I think I'll keep that story private though.

It's hard to even get the energy to type here or work on any sites. I don't want to just rely on my past efforts getting me through life.

The Third Party Perception of Social Phobics

2006-07-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

I have been making a point to search for other blogs and websites that deal with social phobia. Sometimes I come across some interesting developments. Other times I find posts that make me think "Why haven't I written about that?" or "Yeah, that sounds normal to me. I thought everyone knew?" I recently came across an interesting post:
Social phobics have third party memories

Basically, a study has shown that social phobics tend to view memories of themselves from another person's perspective. I have always felt like this and been conscious of this for at least 4-5 years.

I have decided to explore this in a little more depth on my personal social phobia website. I have needed something to write about, and my anxiety has been depressing and boring as of late. So I will start off writing a little about this and (hopefully) get the ball rolling as far as updating my site more with thoughts on this and other SA perspectives.
Read my article:
Social Phobia- Living a Third Party Reality

on my website
Social Phobia Living

test post

2006-06-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

Just testing something with this blog. Not much new(s).

Not Much New

2006-06-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Still have bad social anxiety and havent felt much like writing....

Social Anxiety has Been Working Overtime

2006-04-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Times have been tough lately. Dealing with a lot of frustrating personal issues. Even in my attempts to conduct "social phobia friendly business" transactions, I am still running into social walls. Can somebody please just take my money and not want to have phone chats or go to dinners? Ughhh...

What Makes Something- Someone Illegal?

2006-04-10T02:45:00.000-07:00

It is important to ask "Whose Rights?"... "Whose Rights have been violated?"... I accept a job offered to me on terms I accept...I rent an apartment for the market price..... What "laws" were broken? Were any individual's rights violated? If not, there ought be no law..As an American, I don't believe anyone is entitled to anything by birthright. I could be wrong, but I see no Monarchy, no caste system,etc. I was going to avoid politics, but the world is becoming insanely political..And I don't think my life can be disconnected from that.
basically I agree with this guy( and he's not a bad guy to agree with):
Immigration Quotas vs. Individual Rights: The Moral and Practical Case for Open Immigration

Feeling Much better

2006-04-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

I have lost about 7-8 pounds and feel a lot lighter and more mobile. I have also been excercising. This weekend I have decided to "refeed." In other words, I have been working out and lost weight a little too fast so I ate a little more.

I decided not to obsess over it too much. This blog stills needs to primarily deal with social anxiety. But I am glad that in a few weeks I will probably be in my best physical shape in almost 3 years.

Social Phobia Diet Day 2

2006-03-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

As promised, I will be posting my daily food intake. The goal is to improve my general health which should help my ability to deal with social interaction.
Breakfast: Oatmeal, Fried Egg, Apple(Fuji), cup Skim milk; Lunch: 3oz Sirloin Burger, 2 cups mixed vegetables; Snack: Large Orange; Dinner: Baked Chicken Breast, cup broccoli with 1 teaspoon "yogurt butter"; Snack:; 1 String Cheese.

Thoughts: My calories are a little too low. I think tomorrow I will add a couple servings of food, probably a sweet potato with lunch and brown rice with dinner. I will consider adding portions, such as an extra egg and or 4-5oz of meat instead of 3. Anything I add/adjust will be done gradually.

Social Anxiety Diet

2006-03-24T17:37:00.000-08:00

In previous posts and on my website Social Phobia Living, I have described some of my recent health problems. I try to recall times that I felt better, both from a general health and social anxiety standpoint. While my social anxiety disorder has always been severe, it was "easier" during a time when I was very physically active and conscious of my eating habits. It is apparent that desperate times call for drastic measures. I am starting a "diet"- Hopefully a lifestyle change in hopes of helping my social phobia and general health. Today I start at 6' and 216 lbs, with my social anxiety around a "8" on the 10 Scale. My blood pressure and other vitals are pretty much average as far as I know. I think my goals are pretty modest: By summer get my social anxiety around a 5-6 and drop about 30lbs. I am going to record what I eat everyday.
Today I ate:
Breakfast: 1 Egg OM, 1 cup Oats, 1cup milk, 1 large orange; Snack: Large Fuji Apple; Lunch: Turkey Brat on wheat bun, 2 servings baby carrots; Snack:1 Mozz. String Cheese; Dinner: Broiled Salmon, 2 cups chopped broccoli.

Took a Break and Taking More

2006-03-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

I am somewhat of an internet and computer addict. As someone with social anxiety, the internet is my connection to the world. It is also the way I feed myself.

Sometimes, you can have too much of a good thing. After my joints started swelling and aching and my left hand left unusuable, I had to take a break. It was hard. I tried to go 3 days without touching my computer. I couldn't even go 1 day, but I did manage to only total a couple hours over the weekend. I would say it was the first time I managed to voluntarily spend less than 8-10 hours per day on the 'net in 3-4 years.

My health sucks. I'm dying.....Well, everyone is/does..some slower than others.

I can't take it anymore! Unless I start taking some vacations- mentally, physically, and financially...I'm going to have a heart attack or something.

My joints ache. I am constantly thirsty. Depressed...Paying more than my "fair share" of things.. Struggling to keep up with eBay, internet marketing,etc ( I hate it, but it's the only way to live... People with severe social phobia ccan't have normal jobs. Even if we want to. Everything in life seems to be about some superficial social bullshit and a game we don't play or buy into).

The thing is I'm going to be spending less time online. Only the time it takes to get stuff done. Otherwise, sitting in the basement on my computer is going to endup killing me!

Kirby Puckett RIP

2006-03-06T22:17:00.000-08:00

I grewup on 1980s baseball- Cal Ripken, Don Mattingly, Dave Winfield, Kirby Puckett.

One of the best players during the heyday of my fandom has left this world at the young age of 45. A clutch player who always seemed to play all-out. A guy who led the Twins to 2 World Series victories. I just wanted to acknowlege this great competitor.

Some Spying isn't working; Target your Markets

2006-03-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

I read once that Bill Gates receives close to 400 million spam emails a day, most promising to help him "get rich" and "'pay his debt."

Obviously some marketing is not very targeted.

Lately I am getting a lot of invitations to join political mailing lists (email discussion lists). I really don't have any interest in politics anymore, but I will always be a libertarian. From time to time I visit political/philosohpical websites like The Agitator, Hammer of Truth, Liberty for Sale, and Reason Magazine and their Hit 'n Run Blog. Anyone who reads those sites will get an idea of my principled libertarian beliefs.

Lately I have been invited to join "moral conservatives" and another list about election results. The latter had an introduction that said "since I know you are a conservative activist." You know that, huh? Maybe your list dealer is on coke or someone's spying program ( We KNOW you are a "conservative activist"- We've been watching you) has a fatal flaw. I am neither "conservative" nor an "activist."

Granted there may have been a time the "conservative" label fit some issues I believe in. But not anymore. The fact is my beliefs are still the same principled beliefs I have always had. The "conservatives" and liberals are the ones who changed. I have no interest in "conservatism" or "taking back the GOP."

I joined the "moral conservatism" list mostly because it promised not to be a gang of "Bush Kool-Aid." Within moments, it was clear this WAS a Kool Aid dispensery. I had to quit the list because I could not take the ignorance and hatred. To the bunch, "simplemindedness" was a virtue. Anyone who saw a fault in simple thinking was by default a "liberal."

Also these days, the Conservative movement has redefined itself. But, hey at least they do define themselves as something. Even though it has NOTHING to do with traditional conservatism,IMO. To "qualify", one must agree on exactly 2 issues. 1. Outlawing Abortion is the most important issue. 2. Homosexuals are sub-human. There also must be some deluded lock-step thought that this is a "Judeo-Christian" nation and all laws must follow that.

I don't believe in any of those things, so I must be a "liberal"( ooh, scary word version).

The funny thing is, believing in the 1st,4th,5th,6th,9th,and10th ( and even the 2nd when it comes to defending one's home from invaders) Amendments these days is enough to be painted as a liberal. At some point conservatism became synonymous with obsession with gay sex and building a Theocracy akin to a Christian taliban. other popular "conservative ideals" include : expansion of the police state-no knock searches-shooting at unarmed people accused of "crimes" like betting on the Super Bowl, "big government conservatism"' Huh?, bloated entitlements, imprisoning political opponents,etc.

So yeah, I have no problem these days saying I am not a Conservative. Since everyone "knows" I am, I thought I would clear that up. And to any fake "conservatives" who believe that somehow believing in the U.S. Constitution makes one "un-patriotic", ... how do I say this?....Fuck-off.

Cell Phone Deals for Social Anxiety Disorder

2006-03-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

I thought this was more a of a personal shopping episode that had nothing to do with Social Phobia, but then I realized this is another example of a service that helps those with social anxiety: Shopping Online.
My Cell phone contract recently expired and I needed a new one. One of the worst places to shop is the company cell phone store (where existing customers usually have to deal with new phones and upgrades). Naturally I decided to look online. With wireless number portability in full effect, it was just easier to signup with a new carrier and transfer ("port") my number. I just decided to go to a Yahoo Search ( I know google owns Blogger, but frankly their search engine results tend to have a lot of spam and pirated content. Step your search game up, Google. Otherwise I will use Yahoo and MSN-because they return more natural results for the searcher.) Anyway, I decided since I am no Longer stuck with Verizon, I would check out that Cingular Rokr with iTunes phone. I searched and found the best deal among the first few pages of results. I ordered and got it set-up within a couple days. Now I will probably sell my old (though still valuable) Verizon phone. Free Cingular Motorola Rokr with iTunes is what I got.

Living with Social Phobia

2006-03-02T18:31:00.000-08:00

This will be a blog to complement my social anxiety disorder website. At first I thought it would be redundant. However, I believe it may helpful to have a regular old blog to increase my postng output. This will allow me to write more about my social anxiety disorder and share more unique content.